The Best Corny Jokes
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy-up!
2. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
3. What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
4. What do you call an angry carrot?
A steamed veggie.
5. Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank.
6. How do you make an egg roll?
You push it!
7. What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
8. What do you call a pile of cats?
A meow-ntain.
9. Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
10. Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two tired.
11. What did the triangle say to the circle?
You’re pointless.
12. RIP, boiling water.
You will be mist.
13. Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
14. I ordered a chicken and an egg online.
I’ll let you know what comes first.
15. Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?
She kept running away from the ball!
16. What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits.
17. What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet.
18. Where was King David’s temple located?
Beside his ear.
19. What did one toilet say to another?
You look flushed.
20. What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match.
21. What does corn say when it gets a compliment?
Aw, shucks!
22. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
23. What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
24. What do sprinters eat before they race?
Nothing. They fast.
25. What has more lives than a cat?
A frog, because it croaks every day.
26. A bossy man walked into a bar…
And ordered everyone a round.
27. What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
1forrest1.
28. What do you call a fish without an eye?
Fsh.
29. What do you call a pig that practices karate?
A pork chop.
30. Do you know what they say about a clean desk?
It's a sure sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
31. How did the barber win the race?
He knew a short cut.
32. I told my friend 10 jokes to make him laugh.
Sadly, no pun in ten did.
Corny Jokes to Share with friends
33. Two fish are in a tank.
One turns to the other and says, “Any idea how to drive this thing?”
34. What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race?
Ketchup.
35. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pen?
Because it’s pointless.
36. Why can't you trust the king of the jungle?
Because he's always lion.
37. What did one wall say to the other?
"I'll meet you at the corner."
38. What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
39. What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry!
40. Why are pirates called pirates?
They just ARRRR!
41. How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
42. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
43. What do cows read the most?
Cattle-logs.
44. I lost an electron.
You really have to keep an ion them!
45. What do clouds wear under their shorts?
Thunder pants!
46. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten-tickles.
47. What did 0 say to 8?
"Nice belt."
48. How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
49. What did the drummer name her twin daughters?
Anna 1, Anna 2.
50. What did the lettuce say to the celery?
Quit stalking me!
51. What’s small and red and has a rough voice?
A hoarse raddish!
52. Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties?
Because they are such fungis.
53. Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
Too many ears.
54. Why couldn’t the bad sailor learn the alphabet?
Because he always got lost at “C.”
55. How bad were the fish’s grades?
They were below sea level.
56. What do you call a shoe made out of a banana?
A slipper.
57. How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem!
58. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
I can’t put it down.
61. How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
62. When do computers overheat?
When they need to vent.
63. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
64. If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get?
Mistle-toes.
65. What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
66. What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Depresso.
67. How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.
68. What did the cucumber say to the pickle?
You mean a great dill to me.
69. Where did the lettuce go for a drink?
The salad bar.
70. Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to go spreading i
Short Corny Jokes
123. What kind of car does an egg drive?
A yolkswagen!
124. What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reality!
125. Why wouldn't the shrimp share his treasure?
He was a little shellfish!
126. Did you hear about the sensitive burglar?
He takes things personally!
127. When does a duck wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
128. What does a baby computer call his father?
Data!
129. What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk!
130. Why was the bee's hair always sticky?
He used a honeycomb.
131. What do you call phoney spaghetti?
An im-pasta.
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