20 Dark Humor Jokes That Are Twisted, Clever, and Surprisingly Smart

1.

I started a procrastinators’ support group. We haven’t met yet.

2.

My calendar and I are in a toxic relationship. It keeps reminding me of things I’m trying to forget.

3.

I told my boss I needed a mental health day. He said, “Same, that’s why I hired you.”

4.

I don’t have trust issues. I just have experience.

5.

I tried to be optimistic once. It didn’t work out.

6.

Sleep is like a free trial of death — and I still don’t get enough of it.

7.

I love deadlines. Especially the sound they make as they pass by.

8.

My life feels like a group project where I’m doing all the work and still failing.

9.

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

10.

I’m not lazy. I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.

11.

Growing up is realizing that “I’ll do it tomorrow” has unlimited tomorrows.

12.

I put the “pro” in procrastinate — professionally.

13.

My hobbies include overthinking and replaying conversations from five years ago.

14.

I wanted to change the world, but I needed a nap first.

15.

Life is short. That’s why it feels so long.

16.

I don’t have bad luck. I have consistent results.

17.

My comfort zone is stress, and I hate it here.

18.

I’m great at multitasking. I can disappoint multiple people at once.

19.

I believed in myself once. Turns out, that was a rumor.

20.

The older I get, the more I understand why villains wanted quiet